IF

A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding. She had suffered a great deal from many doctors, and over the years she had spent everything she had to pay them, but she had gotten no better. In fact, she had gotten worse. She had heard about Jesus, so she came up behind him through the crowd and touched his robe. For she thought to herself, “If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.” Immediately the bleeding stopped, and she could feel in her body that she had been healed of her terrible condition. [Mark 5.25-29]

There is something about this story that speaks to me today.

The woman had faith that she could be healed by Jesus. I suppose she had heard of Jesus' healing power as He had already been healing people and casting out demons.

This woman had apparently exhausted her resources pursuing healing through the medical profession and practices of her time. However, her condition was unchanged. In fact, her bleeding had only worsened. Did she know about Jesus prior to her pursuit of the medical field? We don't know the answer to that, but we do know her resources were now gone and, at some point, she had learned that Jesus was healing people miraculously, and it made sense to her to now go to Him.

This woman had the thought, "If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed." Where did she get that thought? Most certainly it came as a result of hearing the accounts of Jesus healing others up to this point. But why did she have to touch His robe? Why did she believe if she touched Jesus (instead of Him touching her) that she would be healed? Could it be that she was so accustomed to doing it herself (going to doctor after doctor) that she could only imagine she would have to do something else to get healing from Jesus?

What if the woman had not made it to Jesus? What if, in her weakened medical condition she lost the energy to get to Jesus? What if she was unable to overcome the strength of the crowd? What if she simply could not touch Jesus robe?

The fact of the story is that the woman had put conditions on her faith - conditions she put there in her own mind - conditions, dare I say, that her own tendency to self-sufficiency had put between her and Jesus. I might further speculate that this woman was fortunate to get through the crowd to touch Jesus. From all we can gather from the story, had she not made it up to Jesus to touch His robe, she would not have been healed because her faith was subject to her own requirement that she had to do something (touch Jesus' robe).

So, what restrictions have I put on my faith before I might receive much-needed healing from Jesus? Have I concluded IF I am good enough I will be healed? Have I concluded that IF I am in the right place at the right time I will be healed? Have I concluded that IF I pray or read the Bible a certain amount I will be healed? Have I concluded that IF I just understand "healing" better I will be healed? Have I concluded that IF I have the right person pray for me I will be healed? Have I concluded that IF I exercise, eat right, and get plenty of rest that I will be healed? Have I concluded that IF I had just taken better care of myself I would be healed?

Have I concluded that "IF I " had any role in my healing beside just believing that I would be healed? If I have, then, like the woman in the crowd, I am dangerously vulnerable to my surroundings and circumstances. I may or may not be as fortunate as the bleeding woman to accomplish my "IF I..."

In my own current need for healing in my body, my conclusion is this: I have put many of the  "IF I" restrictions listed above on my faith. And, consequently, the pain in my body persists.

Father, please forgive me for the restrictions I have put on the pure and powerful faith You gave me. Forgive me for thinking I could ever deserve healing from You. Forgive me for allowing in my mind any thought that any circumstance could interfere with the healing I need from You. Forgive me for attempting to assist in my healing with any thought, required action, or circumstance other than pure unadulterated faith in Your love for me. Forgive me for following "IF I..." with anything more than "...ONLY BELIEVE."