Help Is Not Help Unless It Is Help

A wise man wouldn’t answer with such empty talk! You are nothing but a windbag. The wise don’t engage in empty chatter. What good are such words? [Job 15.2-3]

The words above were spoken by Job's friend Eliphaz.

Here is part of Job's response:

I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters you are! Won’t you ever stop blowing hot air? What makes you keep on talking? [Job 16.2-3]

And then, here is part of Bildad's contribution:

How long before you stop talking? Speak sense if you want us to answer! [Job 18.2]

Does anyone besides me see a pattern here?

Perhaps everyone just needed to stop talking.

But aren't most arguments just that way - too much talk? Isn't it ironic that some of our most heated arguments are with those closest to us (friends, family)? Why is that?

Could I just inject a thought here? Perhaps our most difficult conversations are with those closest to us because we begin to feel entitled in our relationships instead of constantly grateful for them. 

Relationships can be built on many things, but close relationships are built on mutual trust and respect. If we are careless in our approach and attitude toward any given relationship, our selfish nature will convince us that that relationship entitles us to some thing or another.

Beginning to feel entitled in a relationship makes it difficult at best, and, can terminate it at worst.

What entitlements am I talking about? Mostly the right we feel to be listened and heeded to when the other party in the relationship disagrees. When both sides feel this way, an argument is born.

As I continue to read Job's story of his arguments versus his friends arguments, I find each individual saying some solid things. However, I also see them saying some emotionally-charged things that could have been left unsaid.

At the end of the day, Job was hurting in every realm. At whatever point he and his friends realized they were in disagreement about the cause of Job's difficulties, perhaps they should have all been content to shut up and simply reassure one another of their mutual trust and respect, confess their ignorance, and care for and be cared for. A little prayer and intercession for one another could certainly have changed the nature of this story.

Bottom line: We must always be on guard for selfish pride in ourselves when intending to help and correct someone else: help is not help unless it is help.

Father, I know that conflicts are a part of life. Help me though to do all I can to get my "self" out of the picture and see the needs of others above my own.